The Tales of Twilight
by chelseak2012
Summary: The Tales of Twilight, what will happen next? What guys, guys? I’m lost and cold and confused! This is worse that last time; Jacob’s not even in women's clothing….I want soup!
1. Twizlers

Tales of Twilight

Story 1

Twizlers

Forks, WA

Some Forest

EDWARD- Truth or dare Bella?

BELLA- What? No, no last time this happened it ended up I was lost and confused and Jacob was in wolf form with women's clothing on.

JACOB- yeah guys, that wasn't even fun, the shoes didn't match.

EDWARD- Truth or dare woman, I'm just kidding baby truth or dare? TRUTH OR DARE!!

JESSICA- I'd like to play a game.

ALICE- (Pops up behind Edward) I predict you're not as fast as they all thought.

BELLA- Truth, dare, truth, dare, egad!!!

ALICE- (Pops up behind Bella) I predict you'll pick dare.

BELLA- Dare.

EDWARD- I dare you to scoot away.

BELLA- Away from what, what are you talking about?

JESSICA- Away from Jake's….I mean your boyfriend.

BELLA- Jessica, truth or dare?

ALICE- (Pops up behind Jessica) I predict, one of your deepest darkest secrets will be told.

JESSICA- Truth

BELLA- Is it true about you and Mike…..walking to class together?

JESSICA-How did you know about that? It was a secret! (Starts crying)

EDWARD- (Starts sputtering)

ALICE- (Pops up behind Jacob) You know Jacob, Edward can read your thoughts.

JACOB- (Sitting there rubbing his stomach) Huh, what?

ALICE- (Pops behind Bella) Bella, Edward is hiding something from you.

BELLA- It's okay we all know he's insecure about his "little man"

EDWARD- Don't talk about… (Pulls a leprechaun out of pocket) Enrico like that, he maybe small but he has feelings to you know!!

JESSICA- Jacob, truth or dare?

ALICE- I predict…

JESSICA- (Chucks her shoe at Alice)

JACOB- Dare

JESSICA- I dare you to go sit on Edward's lap.

JACOB- Well I mean, I don't really want to it'd be weird, but okay.

ALICE- Jacob, he can still read you're thoughts.

BELLA- What's he thinking Edward, what's he thinking?! Is he thinking about me? (Starts speaking really fast and unintelligible)

JACOB- Of course I'm thinking about you Bella. (Starts batting his eyelashes at Edward)

EDWARD- I have to go to the bathroom. (Goes off into the forest)

BELLA- You're a vampire, you don't use the bathroom.

JESSICA- What?

ALICE- (Pops up behind Jessica) I predict, that you don't want to know.

BELLA- Jacob where are you going?!

JACOB- Gonna get me some meat. (Follows Edward into the forest)

ALICE- (Just standing there for once) I predict dinner's burning.

JESSICA- Yeah, there's my ride.

BELLA- What guys, guys? I'm lost and cold and confused! This is worse that last time; Jacob's not even in women's clothing….I want soup!!

**A.N. Hope you guys liked the story!!! I couldn't have done it without the help of Jessica and Whitney and the fun in Drama class!! I hope it didn't offend anybody!! I didn't mean it in a bad way. It's just supposed to be funny!!! R&R!! **

**Chelsea**


	2. Live, Laugh, Love, and Candy

Tales of Twilight

Story 2

Live, Laugh, Love and Candy

Forks, WA

Forks High School

Jacob and Edward snickering in Drama.

JACOB- Boobs. (Passes the note to Edward)

EDWARD- Banana hammocks. (Passes the note back to Jacob)

JACOB- (Laughs) Huh, what? (Accidently passes the note to Bella)

BELLA- No Jacob I will not make out with you! Wait, who're you writing this to Jacob? Is it someone in this classroom?

ALICE- (Pops up behind Bella) I predict that Bella will get a clue.

BELLA- Is it Edward? Huh, Jacob, or is it Alice, or Mike, or Jessica, or (Starts babbling off a bunch of names.)

EDWARD- (Starts reaching for the note in Bella's hand)

JACOB- Yeah I wrote it to…. Mike, yeah Mike, cause me and him are you know, goin out. (Everyone stares blankly at Jacob)

EDWARD- But, I thought we were going out!!! How dare you Jacob Black, I hate you, (Runs of crying like a little girl)

BELLA- (Just sitting there confused out of her mind to the point where she's drooling)

ALICE- I predicted this would happen.

JACOB- How come you never told me I could have prevented this, you, you, you, you, hippogriff!!!

MIKE- (Bursts out singing and dancing) Can you dance like a hippogriff na na na na na na na na na!(Notices everyone staring at him) What? I was just listening to it on my iPod.

ALICE- (Pops up behind Mike and pokes him on one shoulder then disappears) (L)

MIKE- Who was that? (Looks around)

ALICE- (Maniacal laughter)

EDWARD- (Rushes back into the room and kicks Mike in the balls and runs away still crying)

MIKE- (Falls to the floor still singing to his iPod)

Later that day.

BELLA- (Didn't notice Mike and Tyler come up behind her and screams when she hears his voice)

MIKE- Excuse me, but I think I dropped something.

BELLA- And may I ask, what might that be?

MIKE- My jaw!!!!

TYLER- Oooohhhhhhhhh!!!!!

BELLA- What?!?!

MIKE- Hey somebody farted, let's get out of here.

TYLER- Oh my god!!!

JACOB- Huh, what? Wasn't me!!

MIKE- No must have been Bella because she blew me away!

BELLA- What the?

MIKE- I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your house?

TYLER- Dude you're on a roll!!

BELLA- Dear god,

MIKE- My lips are skittles, wanna taste the rainbow.

BELLA- No but I'm sure Tyler wants to.

TYLER- Ooohhh, wait what?

MIKE- Your name must be Ford because my backseat has it written all over! You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: You treat me right and I'll do it your way.

BELLA- (Kicks Mike in the balls and runs off making bird calls)

TYLER- Oooohhhh, burn!!

JACOB- (Get's on knees) NOOOO!!! Hey look a cookie!!! My COOKIE!! (Scoots away on his butt towards the imaginary cow)

EDWARD- (Starts chasing after Jacob) Wait for me I want to come to!!! Oh!! Look a penny!!! I will name you Philip and love you forever and ever!! (Makes sure no ones looking) My Precious!!

**A.N, Hope you liked that story!!! I thank Jessica for helping me with it!!! I hope you stay tuned for the next story!!! R&R**

**Chelsea**


	3. How Do You Spell That?

Tales of Twilight

Story 3

How Do You Spell That?

Forks, WA

Edward's Crib

Rosalie barging in on Edward and Jacob.

ROSALIE- (Barger in to the room) You guys need to shut the frik up!

EDWARD- It tastes like jelly.

ROSALIE- What tastes like jelly?

JACOB- Your mom!!

TYLER- (Pops up out of nowhere) Oooohhhhhh!! (Just all of a sudden dies)

JASPER- (Pops out of the elevator) Did you know that Craig and Greg are so close to the same name, it's crazy!

JACOB- Yeah but Craig sounds so much hotter.

EDWARD- Wait, when did we get an elevator? (Rubs hand on the floor to make a squeaky sound)

JACOB- What was that?

EDWARD- Your dad!!

TYLER- (Comes back to life) Oooohhhh! (Dies again)

JACOB- So Rose, I hear you're seeing a guy named Drew P. Wiener.

ROSALIE- I don't know any guy named droopy wiener.

EDWARD- Then nobody must have seen you naked.

TYLER- (Comes back to life again) Oooohhhh!! Burn. (Scurries away)

EDWARD-(To Jacob) Hey Jacob you should go downstairs, you'd like my friend Olive, yeah his last name is Muhfrindzrga.

JACOB- (Runs down the stairs screaming) All of my friends are gay!!! Wait? I get it its funny cause I'm gay!

BELLA- Haha, gay, hahahaha, Mike.

JACOB- Yes Mike, (Goes into the elevator to find Mike waiting for him rubbing his belly button.

MIKE- How ya doin big boy?

JACOB- Oh you know, it's a little cold today.

MIKE- So, I know a place that'll get you hot, I work there, and it's called the America Is Drunk Spa.

JACOB- They named their bar A.I.D.S.? Oh well let's go!!

Later at A.I.D.S. with Mike, Jacob, and Edward.

RANDOM GUY- Hey guys how it going? I just wanted to let you know that its karaoke night and I was wondering if you would like to sign up.

JACOB- (Looks over at Edward who nods his head) Yes, and sign me up for Something Like That by Tim McGraw.

Jacob up on stage getting ready to sing karaoke.

JACOB- (Singing to Edward) _It was labor day weekend I was seventeen  
I bought a coke and some gasoline  
And I drove out to the county fair  
When I saw him for the first time  
He was standing there in the ticket line  
And it all started right then and there  
Oh, a sailors sky made a perfect sunset_

(Starts shimmying on the stage)_  
And that__'__s the day I__'__ll never forget_

I had a barbeque stain on my white tee shirt  
He was killing me in that miniskirt  
Skippin rocks on the river by the railroad tracks  
He had a suntan line and red lipstick  
I worked so hard for that first kiss  
And a heart don_'__t forget something like that_

Well it was five years later on a southbound plane  
I was headed down to New Orleans  
To meet some friends of mine for Mardi Gras  
When I heard a voice from the past  
Comin from a few rows back  
And when I looked, I couldn_'__t believe just what I saw  
He said I bet you don__'__t remember me  
And I said only every other memory_

I had a barbeque stain on my white tee shirt  
You were killing me in that miniskirt  
Skippin rocks on the river by the railroad tracks  
You had a suntan line and red lipstick  
I worked so hard for that first kiss  
And a heart don_'__t forget something like that_

Like an old photograph  
Time can make a feeling fade  
But the memory of a first love  
Never fades away

I had a barbecue stain on my white tee shirt  
He was killing me in that miniskirt  
Skippin rocks on the river by the railroad tracks  
He had a sun tan line and red lipstick  
I worked so hard for that first kiss  
A heart don_'__t forget, no a heart don__'__t forget  
I said a heart don__'__t forget something like that  
Oh, not something like that_

EDWARD- (Sitting at a table bawling his eyes out) Oh my god, that was soooo beautiful and I remember that mini skirt!! Time for my song!

Edward on the stage and Jacob sitting at the table.

EDWARD- (Points to Jacob and mouths 'this is for you')

_Some people live for the fortune  
Some people live just for the fame  
Some people live for the power, yeah  
Some people live just to play the game  
Some people think that the physical things  
Define what's within  
And I've been there before  
But that life's a bore  
So full of the superficial_

_[Chorus:]__  
Some people want it all_

(Starts grinding on the microphone pole)_  
But I don't want nothing at all  
If it ain't you baby  
If I ain't got you baby  
Some people want diamond rings  
Some just want everything  
But everything means nothing  
If I ain't got you, Yeah_

Some people search for a fountain  
That promises forever young  
Some people need three dozen roses  
And that's the only way to prove you love them  
Hand me the world on a silver platter  
And what good would it be  
With no one to share  
With no one who truly cares for me

_[Chorus:]__  
Some people want it all  
But I don't want nothing at all  
If it ain't you baby  
If I ain't got you baby  
Some people want diamond rings  
Some just want everything  
But everything means nothing  
If I ain't got you, you, you  
Some people want it all  
But I don't want nothing at all  
If it ain't you baby  
If I ain't got you baby  
Some people want diamond rings  
Some just want everything  
But everything means nothing  
If I ain't got you, yeah_

(Instead of grinding he starts really getting into the song)__

_[Outro:]__  
If I ain't got you with me baby  
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing  
If I ain't got you with me baby_

MIKE- (Sitting there clinging to Jacob who is trying to push Mike off him) Now it's my turn, it's all for you Jakie Poo.

Mike up on the stage.

MIKE- (Staring over at Jacob and starts doing pelvic thrusts into the air)

_Don't think we ever really got it right (Got it right)  
Both you and I have always kept it bottled up inside  
Can you show me what it feels like? (Feels like)  
To give yourself away (Why can't I hold on?)_

There's no one around who picks me up when I'm down,  
Like you do (Why can't I hold on?)  
And when you can't hear a sound will the silence drown you too?

_[Chorus:]__  
Who's going home with you tonight?  
Was it real or am I part of your collection?  
Have you crossed the line?  
Who's going home with you tonight?  
Oh I feel that you're an open invitation  
Is this how we say goodbye? _

(Gets off the stage and goes over to Jacob's table and starts singing to him)__

Keeping secrets somewhere down below (Down below)  
I wish you had the heart to tell me that you sold your soul  
So many things you couldn't let me know (Let me know)  
You had to run away (Why can't I hold on?)

There's no one around who picks me up when I'm down,  
Like you do (Why can't I hold on?)  
[ Find more Lyrics at _/PrlR__ ]  
And when you can't hear a sound will the silence drown you too?_

_[Chorus:]__  
Who's going home with you tonight?  
Was it real or am I part of your collection?  
Have you crossed the line?  
Who's going home with you tonight?  
Oh I feel that you're an open invitation  
Is this how we say goodbye? (Who's going home with you tonight?)_

Goodbye! (Who's going home with you tonight?)  
Can you tell me what is wrong and what is right?  
Who's going home with you tonight?

Why can't I hold on to you?  
Why can't I hold on to you? (Why can't I hold on to you?)  
It's getting harder to sit here alone  
And I've been waiting, I've been waiting, but you still ain't home  
I have never ever felt so low  
I've been thinking, I've been thinking, of where did you go?

_[Chorus:]__  
Who's going home with you tonight?  
Was it real or am I part of your collection?  
Have you crossed the line?  
Who's going home with you tonight?  
Oh I feel that you're an open invitation  
Is this how we say goodbye? (Who's going home with you tonight?)_

_[Outro:]__  
Goodbye! (Who's going home with you tonight?)  
Can you tell me what is wrong and what is right?  
Who's going home with you tonight?_

EDWARD- What the? (Turns around and is staring at Mike who is currently trying to give Jacob a lap dance)

JACOB- (Picks Mike up and throws him on the floor and stands up over him) What!!

MIKE- (In the fetal position on the ground and is whimpering)….WHY?!?!

JACOB- (Turns to Edward) Let's get out of this place.

MIKE- All I ever did was love you!!!

**A.N. Thanks for reading this guys, I hope you liked it!! Okay I know this is a lot to ask for, but could I at least get 3-5 reviews before I put up the next chapter!!! Thanks!!! **

**Chelsea**


	4. Wait a Minute

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Please do not be afraid and please just read this! Okay I'm looking for someone to help me with this story, someone who could give me ideas help and possibly write part of each chapter, which is a big possibility. Anyway if you are considering this just give a review or PM me, and give a short paragraph as to why you want to help with this story.

Also if there a ton of people who want to help I will pick the top five and I will post a poll and you guys will get to vote who gets to help with the story!! I will only keep this open for about a week, so you better get going!!!

Thanks for not running away at the sight of this!!

OrangeDreamChiller


End file.
